Today is the 3rd day I'm living in a world without you. Last night I dream about you. We were still a happy couple in dream, its seems like everything never happen before. I was so happy till suddenly my alarm sound and I need to force myself to wake up. I just wish that I won't be waking up and keep on dreaming about you. As a wise man once say, happy moment won't last long. As I always do, the 1st thing I wake up is starting to miss you. So wanted to message you and call you. But I know reality is harsh. All I can do I just kept all this feelings to myself. The whole morning i was trying hard to make myself busy from working and hopping that i wont think about you for a second, but i cant control myself from thinking of you. i kept on thinking, how are you today? how do you feeling today? eat already? if eat already, will you eat enough? how is your leg wound? will you take care of the wound properly? have you think of me? are you missing me? every second passed just so slow. its seems like the world has suddenly spin much more slower these few days. I had lunch in a normal lunch hour. I don't even have a good appetite. I just ate a bit of the food in the plate, while missing you for the whole time. I feel so sad. I keep on thinking are you had you lunch also? Were you keep doing your work and forgot to eat? I use up my whole lunch hour sitting at there looking at my phone. I read all the history message that we chat with each other everyday from the day we start. For once, I was smiling while reading how lovely and sweet we are. But then I feel wanted to cry, because its not the same anymore. Till I finish my work, how I deeply feel that I wanted to find you. But I can't, because I knew if I did that, you will feel like I'm quite annoying. I felt so deeply sad and moody, then I called 1 of our friend. I asked her to sing karaoke with me, I just hopping to release all the sadness of today out. But all my plan has failed, because she had her own plan already. I went back home, lying on my bed, still keeping on thinking of you and missing you so much. I skipped my dinner, listening to radio, hopping that the dj's can make me feel happy for a bit. But I feel like, everything that I see, I regain every sweet moment that we had been together. Example, while I'm listening to the radio, my memories hits me with that time I was fetching you out together on your offday and we were sitting in a car listening to it. It's not only listening to radio. Yesterday I passed my Tropicana mall. I went in and walk around, when I passed by the Nando's restaurant. I saw myself sitting on that table with you while chatting happily and we were still caring for each other. I just cant stand this anymore, i went put from my house and go to cyber cafe, hopping to release some stress in it. Yes, I keep win in my game, but I can't feel the happy feelings at all. I feel so lonely, I feel in this world, I'm the only one that have left. I feel so alone. I wanted to cry hard. But my tears just can't flow out. My heart had been crushed into tiny pieces just like dust. I drove my way to PJ area sitting alone and have some beers just to make myself drunk and forgotten all of this for a moment, but I just can't stop missing you. Did you know that I'm still love you? Were you still feeling the same? I keep on lying to myself that deep inside you, you still have the love feeling towards me. I look into my phone again, I see back all the picture that we took together, every moment that we had spent together, it's just a lovely feelings. On the day we broke up, I told myself that I will wrote a "I miss you" words when I'm missing you. For today is the 3rd day. I had been wrote more then a thousand times "I miss you" words. I keep on telling to myself that deep inside you, we still loving each other and caring for each other. While I'm writhing this, my tears are flowing bit by bit, I don't care other people saw it. I had my 6th bottle of beers, sitting alone in a cafe while looking at the table we normally sit, across this cafe is another cafe that we went before and a bank. It's remind me how sweet we are on that day. It just make me wanted to cry it out loud. The music that I'm listening in my phone is "I'm still loving you". The lyrics really make me cry, because it says every words in my heart.
I just hope that you were still missing me and love me somewhere inside.
I miss you bb and I love you. I really do. I just can't live my life anymore without. It's hurt so much
Sincerely,
Your ex bb Shaun
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